So I just got done writing a blog about investing in people and talking about how I don’t get the sense people know me including my family. And right now I can hear my brother’s voices saying a couple choice descriptions of what they think of that. But the reality is they don’t. Because in my family if you make a mistake it may not be held against you but it is surely not forgotten. And with each one it shapes the thoughts, opinions and expectations of who you are to be and what roll you are to fulfill. But what I want to know is why cant we, being all of us world included, realize that family is supposed to love without abandon and requirements. Instead of being known who I am by what Imp passionate about and being encouraged by that instead of condemned when there is an action or word that may not line up with those passions causing me to be on the defense know yes I have things to work on…..but just because we are family doesn’t mean that my life should be filled with the voices of my loved ones cutting and condemning. What I want to know is what my brothers are passionate about. Adam is passionate about an intimacy with Christ on a deep theological level. He’s passionate about protection himself and soon to be wife. He’s passionate about music and worshiping at the Fathers feet. Jon, He’s by far got the biggest heart, when its time for Jon to give He gives without abandon and is the greatest person to be around. Jason, He brings life to every situation life could possibly bring into ones spectrum. His smile personality and sense of humor are priceless jewels that will He will deal out in life as God uses Him in the middle of crisis in others lives. Justin is also a giver but with the added ability to do it with style.
Where are these topics as we sit and share time, was must it be filled with wrongs, who’s right and establishing dominancy. Now I don’t write this as a lone crusader fighting for justice in an unjust situation I am just as at fault as these others. But it’s so much more than that. We have entered an age where one of the hardest things for someone to do is offer a heart felt compliment or word of encouragement with out using the bs word of…..but…… Why cant we just encourage without adding a tag line that in the end is what we really want to say more like a cake with a liver and onion center. There is a time and place for correction or the expression of concern and words of encouragement. And I must say that I think that encouragement should encompass a vast majority rather than vice versa. The sad part is that as much as this is my heart I know I will mess up and I can already hear my families voices bringing a constant stream of criticism as they tell me how I have forsaken my own blog and gone back to the dreaded world of selfish word play to bring ones self pleasure by emotionally crippling others that you love so you may feel the pleasure of being verbally dominant or having the laughter of all around who enjoyed your witty banter that came at the cost of a loved one. But better to have a failed dream than a dream never strived for………
So I write all this to simply say that this is for all those who want to know what Imp about or who I am both co-workers and family members and all those that want to know who is authoring these blogs.
I could start that I am Joshua David Macciola born September 17th 1980, and I stand 6 feet 8 inches tall and weigh 370 lbs. But who I am is not defined by what I look like, Just like a book is not defined by the cover but the contents. I am a perfected failure. Perfect both in the failing and the perfection of Christ’s love, mercy and grace that is constantly pouring into my life. I am a pastor by calling, passion and desire but not by occupation. I am what I feel some days as the worlds most conflicted man. As daily the internal struggle to give in and forsake who I am called to be for who I can be on my own ravages my spirit and emotions. Most days feeling as if I was turned inside out that the ensuing look would mirror horrific scenes found in war torn countries. I daily am forced to deal with two truths. I have the option to settle and be a mental health tech or any other plethora of opportunities of employment that have been offered. And find some decent woman and start a family and struggle for the rest of my life with the choice I made all the while wondering if there could have been more. And the second truth being that as each day passes and I stumble putting faith in Christ that HE WHO STARTED ME WILL COMPLETE ME. That being the only shred of hope I desperately cling to on most days. As months go by and resumes to be a pastor go out and get declined my hope is consistently diminished and I’m left with just that phrase to get me through. And just like with every great war, there are days I begin to win and days I get pushed back. It doesn’t change who I am it simply means that I am HUMAN. I don’t make every right decision because I am a Christian or pastor. But what sets me apart is that I keep standing if only to be knocked right back down and get back up, I KEEP STANDING. Instead of laying on the floor and listening to those that would say it’s easier to stay down than stand. People may look and say that I don’t do a whole lot through out my day, but the work that is put in mentally, emotionally and spiritually is one of crippling proportions. As I rather be the Rudy of heaven who serves nothing more than the purpose of getting beat up to show others how to get up and playing in the big game very briefly. Than being the towel boy who was driven by fear and intimidation. I am passionate about love, intimacy, loyalty, family, healing the broken, bringing hope to the hopeless loving the un-lovable. I am loud, crass, vulgar, inappropriate, offensive, crazy and one of a kind. My heart is to be a mighty leader like Joshua who looked at the land that others said couldn’t be taken and TAKE IT, the guy who God used to tear down walls. I pray to be a mighty prophet like Elijah to stand with such boldness, faith and assuredness that he could be used to change the world. And like David a man after Gods own heart singing His praises daily. I want to be used in ways never seen, hear, experienced or imagined before. I want to be used to build a bridge between the traditionalistic church and the new relevant relational church. I want to travel the world and watch as God uses me to heal the broken and set the captives free. I want to be used to bring the Gospel to the Ghettos and the world with fresh incited, practicality and application. I want to write books about ministry that will help all young and future ministers so they will be fully prepared and equipped to handle ministry. I want to start a school that will train, release and use college students to be ministers and have a higher success rate in the longevity of our students than has ever been seen before. I want to be cutting edge. I want to change the image of what the church is and who Christians are and the perception of who we are to society. I want to share the love of God with my actions. I want to serve others. I want to bring interdenominational unity to build a larger more effective structure for reaching others. I want to be a friend, husband, father. I want to honor cherish and love a woman for the rest of my life. I want to raise my children in the way of the Lord and teach them to be unique mighty men and maybe woman of God (haven’t decided if I want a girl) I want to invest in others. I want to influence and change the course of a lost younger generation. I want to start my own church like this world has never seen before. But most of all, I want to sit in the lap of my heavenly father and be held and enjoy that sense of protection you get when you can have someone wrap you up in there arms and make you feel like its the safest place in the world.
This is who I am. And there are two people I want to thank for being people that allow me to be all of who I am and still see who I was created to be. They may seem odd to some but it doesn’t matter, cuz it’s the truth. First Kelley, I want to thank you for your openness, laughter, wisdom, passion and most of all your protection. Your protection of me as a friend both socially and spiritually means more than you’ll ever know. Being a person who always protective of his friends having someone do it on a mental and emotional level is such a great blessing. And second but not at all without equal measure, Rachel. This one even surprised me. Rakel, your soft-spoken depth and practical sense of who you are have allowed me to share some very meaningful conversations with you. Not due to subject content but due to the fact I have always felt that you have acknowledged and encouraged the intellectual dimension of who I am without allowing other dimensions to dilute that image or persuade you to think of it as a facade. The Word says that iron sharpens iron. You are my intellectual and practical spirituality iron. Never before has driving been such a pleasure and time that I look forward to. I know this may be a surprise but it is most of all the truth. These two people have given intimacy and passionately accepted intimacy to and from me. I cherish their friendships and each plays a different yet crucial role than the other. But it is people like these who see all of who I am and draw the best of me out with out criticism or judgementalness that I am truly great full to the Father for. So that is who I am and who I am passionate about becoming. But there’s always more. If you want to invest let me know. And one quick word about investing, its not done on your schedule or when it’s convenient to you, when its done it is to be respected, cherished, cultivated. When you invest you are constantly checking on it and watching it and pouring time and energy into. If only we could be as passionate about investing into others as we are about investing our own money, the world may seem different.