So I could start this out by saying this is the year in review….well that would just be some repetitive account of events that passed that get brushed over degregading the meaning behind it all. So Imp not going to say this is about the last year this will be just like all the others, random and filled with glimpses of who I am.
It has come to my attention that my blogs have begun to affect a broader range of people than my immediate social surroundings. From multiple emails talking or agreeing with what was posted to people I’ve never really had a conversation with at work expressing an emotional connection that was made while reading my postings, not so much to me but the ideas or subjects talked about throughout the writing. It has been a blessing to hear from total strangers in other states and those who get lost in the blur of my hectic life on how they have been effected, I greatly appreciate and take to heart the comments I receive. Not for an inflation of pride but out of a desire to encourage or help others, not to sound too commercial. But as good as all that is I can’t help but think that there is a large quantity of people who don’t know who I am or at least other dimensions of who I am. But ya know when I here people talk like that it makes me think that they are two faced or hypocritical. But I want to know why for so many of us we often draw up conclusions of others that eliminate the possibility of recognizing other dimensions of people. WHY IS THAT? We so long not to be judged and yet we continually judge people. Now for many of us we would automatically assume that judging equates to not liking someone. When that is one end of the spectrum but the truth is there is less harsh reality of judgmental living. When we meet someone we put so much emphasis on first impressions. Well first impressions are only substantial because we as a society have learned to judge each other right off the first meeting. And the sad thing is that it takes but just a moment for us all to judge someone. Now I’m not talking about condemning but automatically setting our expectations and desires of how that person will look or function in our lives. Whether it be miniscule or major we all judge. But why do we judge outside of social conditioning? Could it be it is easier for us to judge than to invest time to really gain a proper understanding of who someone is. So I started this rant about how I think there is a vast amount of people I have or do come in contact with that don’t know me. Not because Imp closed off, Imp one of the more honest and transparent people I think, but because people from meeting me have created their own expectations of who I am and how I act. But what if that was a false impression, what if that moment in time I was providing an appearance that is a part of who I am but not the basis or core of who I am. What saddens me is when people take each other at face value. Now I know some of you might be saying well Imp transparent so that’s ok…. no its not. Transparency allows you to see everything not fully understand the textures, smells, movements or intricacies of who we are. Its like a museum exhibit…. you have to stay behind the rope but you can clearly see everything. But the fact of the matter is that you can no longer learn anything else about the exhibit unless of course you are granted access past the rope into the exhibit where you can interact with intimacy with the exhibit which allows you to create an entirely new set of expectations for the exhibit rather than a broad generalized one. Which in turn changes your entire viewpoint and sometimes feelings about things. But of course that all hinges on the ability to be granted access to the exhibit. But the sad part of today’s culture is that we are so content with breezing by these exhibits without the desire for greater intimacy with them because of two reasons. First being that we are too self absorbed to think that spending time to gain greater intimacy with someone and learning who they are and creating a REAL relationship is a wise investment of our time. But already in that one statement I have used key words that already direct some of us to sex and partners. We have got to get back to the realization that true intimacy is not found in the physical connection of intercourse but in the incredible moment where someone opens up to you with such un bridaled intimacy an impact is made on our souls. And when that intimacy is shared in return a beautiful thing happens the seeds of a relationship is planted. And I’m not talking about boyfriend or girlfriend like so many of our minds are directed to. It is sad that the word friend is thrown around so loosely that the value of friendship has declined severely. And that when people actually have a relationship which is intimate they are ridiculed and told that is not appropriate or weird. What’s weird to me is these people especially on this site who claim to have 40 billion friends and yet still need more to temporarily fill the void of no intimacy because intimacy has been replaced with popularity and physical fulfillment.
Why do I say this….well because I feel like if I could describe this last year for myself it would be HYPOCRIT. I maybe be a tad harsher than needed but it has definitely made me think. I have done things that have caused others to judge me by my actions whether repetitive or not instead of investing time to get to know the multi dimensional person that I am. And so when I sparkle for a split second who I really am at my core they are taken back. But is it because I have been purposely been faking or creating a wall between me people see and who I am….no. I am a loud mouth crass rude weird immature add tattoo addicted man. And sometimes those traits come out. And what’s sad is for some that is all they see no matter how I try and establish balance or strive for growth as a man and most of all man of God. But that’s what kills me. Some of those exact people who claim to continually be judged are the ones who would rather judge than gain intimate insight. Is it not better that someone struggle with doing right whether it is their interpretation of right rather than yours, than not try at all. I mean give props where props is due. It is easier to sit down and get comfy than stand walk fall, stand walk fall for the rest of your life. But in that there is no respect because when people meet you as you are falling they begin to formulate ideas and expectations. And then as an innate self-deprecating behavior we feel a certain amount of pressure to maintain until someone pulls their head out and says hey there might be more to this. What’s more respectable Ted Hagard 3 years ago saying I need some accountability. Or Him falling and having it go down the way it went down. I personally have more respect for those who can say hey I’m struggling and need help rather than those who hide it. First off those that don’t Know Christ or are just starting the journey need to know that even the most prominent people in church leadership struggle and get tempted. I mean Christ Himself was tempted by Satan. All we can do is try and be like Christ yet we all know there will be a time where we give into temptation. But rather than sitting down and embracing it the more we fight to define those moments with strength and integrity we prepare ourselves for a quick rebound. But, who would know any of this unless they asked?
I guess my challenge in 07 is to invest not money not materials but time in getting to know who the people that create the colors in my life are made of and not settling on my own judgmental perceptions of who they must be. Because when we focus more on our selves we broaden our view to others and thus can pass over the greatest investment God brings into our lives. Talk to people with purpose of finding who they are and what they are about. Not fricken trying to get them saved but just to get to know them. Talk to people with passion about really wanting to know who they are. And sometimes just letting them talk and listening is the most passionate act you can show someone you are interested in who they are. We live in a society that says take time for you. You know what I say balance but take more time to invest in others than yourself. That’s not a neglect you and burn yourself out comment. That’s simply saying look for every opportunity to invest real TRU intimacy in someone’s life this year as the more examples of true intimacy that we have walking the earth the closer we come to re-claiming the purity of what intimacy is. And without saying to show intimacy we have to know intimacy and that is found with the Father.
May this year be the year Lord that I experience a greater intimacy with you. That I may move as you do, think as you do, love as you love show mercy and grace without abandon as you have shown me. Investing into others as you have invested into me. That my mind heart body and soul will ache with a holy fire of purity, integrity Character and passion for you and your call on my life. May I be your favorite tool this year and the rest of my life that you may use me to impact the lives of countless numbers of people with the love you have shown me. I pray you use me in ways never seen, heard, experienced or imagined before. May this be the year of anointing that consumes me with greater desperation for you that each breath, thought, action and word are marked with the mark of your hand. Use me to bless and not breakdown, to love and not scorn, to heal and not wound, to breathe life and not death. May I be a blessing to those whose paths you allow me to cross. And for those who will meet me or have met me may they gain fully the understanding of who you have made me. I thank you that each day is filled with more fingerprints of your hand at work within me and throughout my life. You are a most gracious God and the best most adored Father I could ask for….thank you….. from your FAVORITE.