As I sit and watch the sun crest over the mountains I wonder what today will hold. I wonder if the darkness will overtake the light or the light will break through the darkness. I wonder whose choice it will be. I contemplate if today will be like yesterday or today will hold some life changing event my soul has been desperately longing for, for what seems like forever. I wonder what I’m supposed to do. I wonder if I’m supposed to do one more prayer to initiate this life-altering day. I’m saturated with the Word and Words given to me. I want so much more for these Words to come to pass. I’m tire of longing, tired of seeking and yet I know the real truth. The more I seek the more I yearn and the more I focus on those two, the less I have to move. I justify my lack of activity based on my research of how and when and what I’m supposed to do. But, I know more than ever that I can’t play this game of illusions anymore. I recognize that I’m about to be found out. What’s there to be found out I think, and I don’t want to even let myself think the Words I’m so desperate not to say and bring to light the realization of where I am at. The reality is that I’m on the verge of being another obese Word bloated Christian lying on the side of the road on this trek we call life. I’ve allowed myself to seek and seek and seek but have yet to move. I have yet to act upon this knowledge of the Word or these prophetic Words I’ve been given. It’s all been good but somewhere deep inside I knew a day would come when I would become accountable for these exact things and what I did or did not do with them. I fear that greater than anything. But if that’s really the case then why do I sit here in hopes that today will be the day the light breaks through the darkness. And then I realize more than ever that I’ve been called equipped and given the opportunity to do something great. Now, I’m paralyzed with fear. The ramifications of what that means how it will affect me, those I love and those around me. What if I fail, will it work? Doubt swirls in my heart and mind like a raging vortex and I’m consumed with the sibling of doubt, fear. And then the craft I have practiced for so long and have almost perfected comes into play, an illusion. That’s what I need, something to distract me from the reality that these thoughts have created. What will it be today, work, kids, wife or planning for the weekend. Tomorrow will be the day I deal with this. God knows my heart and I want to be used but there’s so much for me to do. My kids need to get to their sports games; I have to pick up the dry cleaning. One more meal before I move is what I need. Better yet Ill study the Word even more and figure out a strategy on how to change the world and when I figure it out and get a couple more Words I’ll do it, Ill change the World.
So many times I see justification rob the people of God from walking into their callings and lifting’s. I see so many people that have amazing men and women of God pouring into them and don’t do anything with it. Maybe it’s like the scenario or internal conversation with self-above that happens. Regardless, it’s the saddest thing to watch, as people are becoming bloated carcasses in our churches. Taking up room and Word and doing nothing with it. The enemy is great at what he does and that is to breed confusion, doubt and fear. The more we pack the church with bloated unmovable judgmental people the less we have room for those starving and desiring to move and be used.
This is not me coming down on anybody; this is not me saying this is the case in our church. Although I don’t think we are completely exempt. This is a worldwide epidemic in churches today. It is going to take people that will stand and use what has been given to them and poured into them to change a world. And I do mean change a world because when one person stands and walks with purpose, passion and power it will forever change this world. Will you be that person?