I’m sitting here writing this as my daughter sleeps not more than three feet from me. It’s 11pm and I have not slept more than 1 hour straight since 1am this morning. Now I recognize this is nothing in comparison to my wife who has not had a goodnights sleep in almost 6 months and who gave birth with no epidural today. She’s a bad woman. But she also has her own blog so I’ll let her tell u all about that, this is daddy’s time. I’m so tired I’m to the point of being nauseated at least I think that’s what my churning stomach is. But with each passing moment I realize it’s from something much greater than sleep deprevation. With every yawn and coo every hiccup and little noise my heart belongs less and less to me and so much more to my daughter. I recognize my nausea has become nothing more than butterflies from blooming love. There’s alot I discovered today that no one told me and a lot that people did that wasn’t correct. Many told me it was a gruesome sight and quite gory to behold the live birth. Well without a choice I found myself captivated by the scene that forever changed the world as i was instructed to hold my wife’s leg as she pushed. Thus providing a front row seat desired or not to a spectacle, and I do me spectacle as it lasted all of 20 mins and I can’t even describe what I saw. I found that part to be less disturbing than most had described it to be. If anything it was weird and intriguing and mind boggling. I don’t use these adjectives to be disrespectful of what happened but to be truly honest. But what I did find the hardest in the birthing process that no one talked of was the pain an tears I had for my wife as I watched her be in excruciating pain and could do nothing to help her. This truly became and was the most gruesome part of this day for me. Watching someone u r so desperately in love with suffer and u have no choice but to sit back and watch knowing that their suffering ultimately will subside and life will spring forward from it. Rem as I write I truly feel I have gained a grain of sand depth into what God faced as He watched Jesus in that cross. Making me think that when Jesus asked why God had forsaken Him it wasn’t because of sin but because of the immense love God has for His Son and for us and knee it was necessary in order for us to gain life. The one thing people did say that was spot on was that ur life would change and truly it has. Not just responsibility wise but emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically my life and perspective have been radically transformed. From the tears I wept as i watched my wife hold our daughter to the tears I wept as I held her for the first time. To not even knowing what to say for the first half hour of her life because words could not be formed in a brain that was so overwhelmed by trying to process what was just seen and the beauty that lay before me. Like I said I’m exhausted and yet with every sound every move I find myself exhilarated with the desire to be there to meet her every need. This truly will be a journey of EPIC proportions I guess part of me too is glad that she’s not of EPIC proportions at 20inches long and 6.12 lbs she has a good shot at being a normal size but them again I was normal when I was born roughly 7lbs and look at me now. Now I trust God and love my firsts like holding her changing her and wrapping her like a burrito. And now more than ever becoming a student of how to love her show her Christ and raise her in a way that she will be a General among Generals with her passion devotion and love for God. From day one Lord use her to share ur love Glory and power. Goodnight
