First thing you need to understand about me is I am a man. I compartmentalize my thinking and am task/goal oriented. Throw in a bit of OCD and your starting to get the picture of who I am.
This puts me in an emotionally unstable place in life. Im not crazy and don’t need meds but it does affect me emotionally. You see there is no greater satisfaction for me than to have a project, work hard to complete it and enjoy or have the recipient enjoy the final product.
For the past few months I have been working on several projects for my design business and have had some clients that have been, lets say, less then expedient in moving the project along.
For me this has left me in limbo on multiple levels. My family needs the money to pay rent, I need to start another project and emotionally I feel chaotic because there is no completion.
When you ad in the other dynamics of our life this chaos is overwhelming. From unexpected surgeries for Judah, living on a level of financial faith that is logically suicidal to feeling like your purpose and the plan you had is all up in the air. To say the least chaos seems to be the DNA of our lives right now.
Whats amazing about God is that even in the midst of the storm or chaos we have peace. However a lot of times it feels as if something is missing. We have peace to endure, strength to proceed and hope of a future.
But because of the chaos it creates tunnel vision.
We have gotten to a place where we are so focused on placing one foot in front of the other just to keep going that we don’t see what God is doing or has done.
Its like when I was a kid and you would build something with legos. If you were like us we didn’t have these nice little sets and pieces, It was a deep dark hole of mismatched pieces thrown together in a giant bin. This made it all the more painful when you spent hours rummaging through everything to find all the right pieces only to be short the one final piece you need for completion.
In that moment our flesh goes nuts and we get mad and frustrated that all the work has been wasted for nothing, because of its lack of completeness. When in reality what you have built is an amazing and creative piece that is a testament to your fortitude and tenacity coupled with your creativity that has produced this masterpiece. Which by the way, no one will know that the piece is missing except you.
In life I have often felt this way.
That God has given me chaos and as I have allowed and been obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit, God has used me to create these wonderful achievements for the Glory of His Kingdom.
Yet when I see them, I see incomplete, I feel frustration and even anger.
For me I take the scripture Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” incredibly literal.
For me the standard of excellence and honor I place on everything I do in my life has created this schism in me of wanting to honor God in everything I do and frustration, anger and even depression when I cant do it in the way or time that I have a vision for.
So I flounder between the two mindsets of saying God I did everything I could to the best of my ability that I was allowed or afforded to, and I cant believe I didn’t get done the way it should have or to the level of excellence I know it could have been done to.
This lost lego perspective is one that I think haunts a lot of people but especially those in ministry. More so those that are in ministry and have been raised in the church all their lives.
At its core I believe its routed in performance, man pleasing and fear.
These are all things I have seen drive churches and their direction and vision. Rather than what is God doing, and lets adapt fluidly to that.
Don’t get me wrong I feel and believe that ALL things should be done unto the Lord, but the focus shouldn’t be about the missing lego or lack of completion. It should be on what God did and is doing in and through us as we complete the things and seasons we will face in life.
Don’t misunderstand me we need the church to be a place of excellence and consistency but with the ability to adapt and not get stuck in the trap of tradition. All the while missing what God has been doing in their midst but denying it because of the lack of completion.
Sometimes its never been about the completion of things but about the process.
I guess thats what this entire blog is, a reminder that it was never about the unfinished lego army base, or jobs, or Judahs health, or our finances, or our position in life. But simply and utterly about what God is doing and has done.
When we take time daily to stop and reflect, which is what this has been for me, we gain a sense of joy that its not time wasted and a peace knowing that as we are fully surrendered and obedient to the Lord we know His will is GOOD AND PERFECT!
So for those reading this, remember its about what God did and is doing in and through us not the missing lego.