I was raised by two amazing people who both were ordained pastors. This upbringing was unique and different compared to what other children my age were raised with. Not because of how we were raised but because of what we were raised to believe.
You see I grew up during a time in the church where it was looked down upon to drink, go to movies and dance. My father actually didn’t know how to play card games because growing up he was taught that it was a form of gambling. Even at the beginning of my years of Pastoring I got in trouble for watching a rated R movie with some of my leaders.
I wasn’t beaten, molested or abused but I was polluted. You see at that time it was the belief in the church that Christianity was about rules and regulations rather than relationship and principles.
Don’t get me wrong I believe as a pastor or leader in the church we are held to a higher standard and must carry ourselves in such a way as to not sabotage our platform to speak the truth of God and His love into peoples lives.
I remembered this dichotomy in my life came to a head at a young age when I found a bottle of beer under my parents bed, specifically on my moms side. Growing up the very few times we had a bottle of wine in the house it felt as if we were living on the edge, a half step away from knife fights with Miami drug lords. But, when I discovered a bottle of Miller Light hidden under the bed the veil began to be torn. I remember crying because I thought my mom was going to hell.
I know that sounds over dramatic, but as a child and person who felt emotions on such a deep level it felt as if the world was crashing around me.
You see, I was taught what not to do, not why. I was taught to obey God not love Him. I was taught serving not surrender. Theres a vast difference between doing something or obeying someone because you love them as opposed to doing it because thats what your were told or taught to do.
For me the veil was completely torn when at the age of 15 my parents split and at the age of 17 divorced. I went from watching them in the kitchen hugging and kissing telling us to not ever get divorced to doing it. Then in the aftermath of the split dealing with the choices that were being made that were contrary to everything I had been taught. Information was overshared, decisions were made that still impact me and even my marriage today.
I remember screaming at my mom telling her she was going to hell because of what she did and how she was living. I didn’t know the love of God I knew the rules of God so therefore I knew what happened when you broke the rules. I didn’t understand grace I understood punishment.
As Ive grown older Ive recognized both how great I was raised and how polluted with religion I was. As a Pastor I still struggle with this pollution. It causes me to put unfair expectations on people and hold them to a standard that is unfounded and unfair.
**Again I will state that I do believe those in leadership in the church are and will be held to a higher standard. Its clearly stated in Gods word. However in todays broken church there is a constant battle with mediocrity and compromise. People want to live selfishly and claim to live selflessly not recognizing how their actions are and will effect those that they have been called to minister to. I have personally dealt with the disillusionment my past decisions have caused those that I was given the opportunity to minister to. I have been forgiven and the blood of Christ has and does wipe away my sins. For those effected by my choices its not so simple.
When you teach lifestyle over life we create a paradigm where people have desires they were created with that they dont know how to deal with so they either fully and with no self control engage or they secretly engage these not learning how to deal with or engage these desires in a healthy way so they become emotionally basket cases berated by guilt and shame because there is a no grace policy in the church.
We teach people how to live not why we live. Thats the difference between lifestyle vs. life.
As a man, husband, father and pastor I have and continually having to rebuke my learned way of thinking and living with scripture. Some of it I have overcome and some of it I have a ways to go to learn.
I believe a lot of this healthy look at scripture and life comes from understanding Gods word through revelation from the Holy Spirit. They call it the Living Word because when we engage the Holy Spirit as we read and study the word it speaks life to our situations, mind, emotions and even body.
Just like everyone there have been times that I have thought I understood something that turned out to be my fleshly interpretation of scripture. It has been my continued surrender to the Holy Spirit and teachability that have allowed me to see how I have misunderstood and misinterpreted scripture.
There is a difference between misinterpreting scripture and manipulating it, the difference is the heart.
When you read Gods word are you looking for an out or an excuse for your behavior you know is wrong? Or are you reading it with a heart to please and know the Lord so you can live in such a way to be used to the fullest so you can bring the most Glory and praise to Him?
Drinking, dancing and movies aren’t the issue. Its the heart.
The first 2 years of college just pissed me off because it was learning how to think about all the stuff I had just learned in school on my own instead of regurgitating facts and dates. Professors worked to teach me how to think and discover what I believed and know.
Its the same as we grow in our walk of faith, we must go from knowing to believing. The detox of religion is found in the process of discovering our God through the discovery of His word and living it out in life. Not in obedience but love.
God doesn’t say obey me to show me you love me. He says if you love me obey me. One is religion that puts the priority on the rules. The other is relationship and puts the priority on the principle that God is love.