So yet again I sit here hyped up on sleeping pills waiting for the moment that I will eventually slip into the oblivion of sleep. But tonight as many others my mind and spirit are in hyperactivity contemplating the thoughts I had tonight. Less than two hours ago I was in fellowship with other believers talking. And a couple of ideas presented themselves that I had a chance to talk out and I wanted to share them with you all, my blog public. The first concerns our personality and the second concerns revival and the third was just a vision I had concerning bitterness.
I cant help but given my experience in Bible College that there is a generalized idea of what a pastor is and how they act. Maybe I’m wrong but this is my blog and its how I feel. I just feel like people would rather have cookie cutter pastors rather than genuine real men and woman God has called to lead the church into its final hours. Part of me feels like I’m referencing the people in the church but also the heads of denominations and pastoral leaders. But tonight I was propositioned with a thought-provoking question. I was asked how I felt personality fit into vision. As I sat and contemplated the idea I was struck with a thought. We were created like thumb prints. Not one of us is the same, no matter how much we may decide to try and imitate those we admire or desire to be like we are individuals period. But, that is part of Gods most intricate plan. As individuals we will naturally have gifts that allow us to minister to those are gifts are predisposed for. And thinking about it further I realized Christ depended greatly upon the differences of personalities to see the vision God gave Him fulfilled. Jesus chose twelve different men to accomplish the goal His father sent Him here to fulfill. Each one of these men had different personalities and giftings. We have Peter who was told he was going to be the rock the church was built on to, Judas who was the catalyst. These men were comprised of very different personalities but that is what made them so crucial to the overall vision God had to establish His church. I look at myself and know I have what I call a hip hop soul. I think urban, talk urban, and dream urban and have visions of urban revivals. Which brings me to the second thought of my night. Revival.
Being brought up as a pk or pastors kid I have always been told to pray for revival. And again tonight I was approached with the question of what is revival. As I was contemplating my thoughts someone began to share exactly what I was thinking. Revival is the revitalizing or re-birth of what was once dead. We use this form of words for everything from fashion to architecture. But in the church we use it as a goal. And as I sit here I start thinking even more, revival isn’t just for the church. If those that don’t know God are dead or dying the revival of their souls are what we after. The relationship we have with Christ is life giving and for someone who is dead or dying experiencing such a think would also allow them to be revived. Hence bringing a revival of the move of the spirit of God to the unsaved. Anyways, without getting too off topic. So many times as a church attendee have I heard others cling to other revivals around the world or chase them down in hopes of bringing it back to the church in which they reside in. But as I was thinking tonight about the OG revival it took me to Acts. Tonight when I went home I read the Acts ch. 1&2. I realized that after Christ was resurrected from the dead He was telling all His boys not to leave Jerusalem cause what He had promised them was coming and the prophecy would be fulfilled. So what did they do, they got together about 120 of them and locked themselves in a room. It really hit me about that one particular fact tonight. Locking themselves in the room seemed so inconsequential while I was growing up, it just made the rushing wind seem all that more important. But, the reason they locked themselves in was because they decided they were not leaving until they got what Christ had promised them. They didn’t add that for effect they did it because they were desperately desiring what Christ had for them. But while they were in there they weren’t praying for revival they were seeking God. It wasn’t about signs and wonders and how they were going to be used. It was simply about seeking God. So many times I hear revival and am completely turned off because to me it has taken the identity of wanting to be the next big church on the front page of every Pentecostal magazine in the world. Revival is not a pr slogan or idea to get people to your church. Revival is the renewal of life in the midst of death. For revival we must not seek God so He will use us in mighty ways, we must SEEK HIM AND ONLY HIM. That is when revival happens. The more we seek Him the more things, situations and people around us are affected and changed thus bringing life into the death that surrounds us. It may sound childish but the visual I get is congruent with the children’s song this little light. I picture darkness and those that dwell in it. I then picture those who are praying for revival with lanterns walking around trying to spread light to those in the darkness. But because they are only equipped with a lantern it requires allot more movement and travel due to the circumference of light shed by a lantern. I then envision those seeking God for no reason but to seek Him. I don’t see them holding anything I see a giant spotlight in the midst of them shinning for all to see and instead of them going through the darkness I see the people in the darkness attracted to the light as they walk toward the lights. And it wasn’t done by going to another country or praying for revival for 15 years it was done by seeking God and focusing on Him. And its funny to me that after years of praying for revival for years people don’t clue in, instead they just get bitter. Which brings me to my last and final thought of the night. Bitterness.
As we were worshipping tonight I hit a wall. I realized it was the overwhelming distraction of bitterness of situations and people. And I had a vision, guess I have allot. I pictured a walnut and cracking it open and the contents appearing to be jet black. As I began to contemplate more and more I realized that many people compare bitterness to roots when in actuality it’s a see. A very small inconsequential event in ones life that spawns a deeply rooted tree in our path of life. Instead of a clear walk way we are navigating through a forest of trees that were created from a very minute situation that we did not tend to. And we go through times of pruning the bitterness, but before we know it those trees are sprouting again. I just envisioned this black forest that was filled with wild dangerous animals representing the past waiting to attack as we tried to walk through it without getting lost in the forest of bitterness. I don’t know why I had this visualization or what it had to do with anything. But I do know I have felt very strongly a sense of misdirection or anxiety combined with fear as I have had to walk through the forest of bitterness I have cultivated in my own life. And with each step I take I realize more and more how simplistic bitterness is in its most infantile form, offense. As I write this I think to myself how does this end. The answer is by getting through it. I know how everyone likes that footprints poem. But realistically on a beach at sunset I don’t need God to carry me. I need Him to guide and carry me through the forest of my bitterness. I don’t know if you ever root out bitterness. But I know you can prevent it and get through it and over it with Gods guidance, strength and protection.
Well I hope this has caused you to think or think I’m crazy. And if its the latter I blame it on the melatonin I took to help me sleep, and then Ill shout at you that I don’t care what you think, cause its my blog. Anyways if you got any feed back please let me know what’s up I don’t write these just to write I write them to help or piss off people. Let me know which one you are.