What the hell is wrong with me, us, everyone. The question I’m posing is why do we take our lack of faith or lack of spiritual strength and try to supplement it with physical intimacy, because of our lack of desire, discipline to get our much needed intimacy from our relationship with God.
Why do we feel its so much easier to get intimacy from the opposite sex rather than God. For one it is easier to get what we feel is needed intimacy from the opposite sex. But, why, we all know some where down inside of ourselves that it’s not what we really want. But we mentally think that because we don’t think God is close and we feel like were doing everything we can to touch God and He’s not there. So in place of that intimacy we go for the next thing we think is true intimacy. With a partner, friend or fling.
We think cause we do our, “Devotions” (see what the hell are devotions) that God should be right there when we read the Word and Pray, yet beyond that were like its my life, and we wonder why we don’t feel intimacy, and end up looking for it in other places.
Lord knows its frustrating when we don’t feel like He’s holding us, well lets all grow some balls. God gives us the ability to walk on our own, He walks next to us. He doesn’t have to carry us all through our lives. Now I’m not saying that we don’t need God every second of every day, but not to carry us. If you were carried your entire life you would never learn to walk. And if you never learned to walk what’s the point of living. See, God teaches us to walk and gives us the strength to walk and helps us up when we fall. He doesn’t carry us. So stop asking. Pull your head out of your ass and stop trying to ask God to carry you through every little thing in life. The bottom line (my phrase) is that He carries us when we are too weak to go on, not our interpretation of too weak but His. So when we are whining and going I don’t feel you, where are you. Keep walking. Intimacy is earned and hard to keep but easy to destroy. So why do we instead of seeking more intimacy with God when we don’t feel it, go and find intimacy with someone else. Lack of faith that He’s there, lack of desire to seek Him and lack of discipline.
Some of you may be going he’s pretty harsh, doesn’t know how to spell and sucks at grammar. Well, that’s why I have Rachel, my soon to be famous publisher/editor friend. And maybe its not for you, maybe this is me typing out my own verbal spanking. And if that’s the case, cool I needed to, I’m an Idiot.
I guess I’m just frustrated that for so long I could go and try to find fleeting intimacy in a relationship, physically and emotionally, all the while destroying my intimacy with GOD. Which takes all the more work to re-build because of my stupid choices. And to think that being involved physically with someone and trying to find that intimacy I so wanted from God I thought I had intimacy with God, WHEN ALL I HAD WAS COMPROMISE!